Feeling the magnitude of my blessings but the exhaustion has set in

We are not even completely half way into the year and already so much has happened. I recognize all of my blessings but the exhaustion right now is overwhelming. It seems to be this way for almost anyone I talk to right now in life. There is little peace to be found on this Earth for most right now.

Last weekend Logan has surgery on his finger. He broke it at school playing football and had to have it pinned. Not the weekend I had planned on that's for sure! He is miserable right now because he is so limited in what he can do. It was his left hand but he can't swim, or ride his bike etc. Entertaining Logan is always a challenge but even more so now. He is one of those kids that needs constant attention. He is always up at the crack of dawn and is in go mode until he goes to sleep. Never a dull moment with him.

I find myself this weekend feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, and down. I am feeling anti social and want to hide away from the world in my own santuary (my home) with my kids. I chide myself because I am so blessed and should not feel this way. There have been many blessings this year. I was promoted at work after working so hard. We finally got Logan balanced out and things set up for his IEP (indidualized education plan) at school). Davyd is finally onboard with Logan's treatments and educational needs and goals. Davyd is even being super nice and we get along now!!!!! I feel so much better healthwise since my surgery. It is amazing what a difference my surgery has made in the way I feel every day. My home loan has been modified and is much more affordable now. Also, I was able to purchase a new car last month. This is a huge blessing. I dont' have to worry about whether my car will start each day or worry about it breaking down again. It was costing money that I didn't have to repair it every 2-3 months. Also, I don't have to go another summer in the blazing heat with no air conditioning like I have for the last 3 years. It was brutal.

All of this has not come without challenges and a lot of energy put into making these things happen. Several meetings at the school with Logan's educators and appointments with Logan's psychiatrist and psycholgist. A lot of energy was put into getting my promotion and there are a lot of added responsiblities with my position. My boss has been out of the office a lot lately and we have lost quite a few of our team members. It has been a struggle to train, do my regular responsiblites, and the added challenge of my boss being out of the office so often. We are still not fully staffed. My surgery took most of my vacation and sick time that I had for the year (the sick time that I had banked previously was used for Logan's treatments and epdisodes while his dad was deployed). Also, there were financial set backs from the surgery. My new car payment leaves me pretty financially stretched but I needed this new car and the dependability that it offers. It is hard to not have extra money to do fun things with my kids and to budget every penny.

I have a hard time balancing being a mom that spends quality time with my kids, keeping my house and laundry up, my career, and everything else in life. My yard is what comes last and suffers from it all. It looks like a jungle right now LOL. Also, right now my house is a mess. Those of you that know me know that I must be pretty depressed because I just don't allow that to happen :). Yet I can't seem to make myself keep up with it this week. Ok so the kitchen is clean and the family room and the laundry is all done. The rest of the house though has been destroyed by my kiddos this weekend.

I am grateful that tomorrow is a Canadian holiday and that I get the day off. My best friend (since high school) has the day off as a flex day. We both will be without kids tomorrow and get to spend some time together! I am so excited. We never get to spend time together during the day without kids. We don't get to see each other much anymore with us both being full time working mommy's. She is the best friend ever. I am so glad that I am blessed to have her as my best friend.

John and I rarely have a chance to see each other. We have opposite parenting schedules. Other than the occassional lunch here and there or him being amazing and picking up and bringing me Logan's meds etc we rarely see each other. We haven't had a real date for a month now. It was a Thursday night and we were both so exhausted that it was kind of sad! LOL Before that we hadn't had a real date since February. Dating and being a single parent is hard.

Ok well enough of my ranting and whining. I know that I am super blessed and the exhaustion and depression will be short lived like always.

This week

Hello all. Again it has been a very long time. Logan is doing phenomenally well and I am so grateful that Heavenly Father has answered my prayers and that everything has fallen into place. I am most grateful for him softening Davyd's heart so that Logan was and is able to get the treatment and education plan that he now has.

I am blessed in so many ways and seek to remember that always but for the last 6 yrs it seems to be one thing after the other.....Heavenly Father is really shaping me into the person that he wants me to be obviously ;). I am so much stronger than I ever thought possible.

I am not one that likes to complain about my physical health to others but I have been sick for years now. Constant low grade fevers, weakness, exhaustion, and lower abdominal pain, along with lots of female issues. Recently, the pain had gotten so bad that there were times that it took all I had to sit at work without crying. The pain felt just like my back labor with Logan. Because Dr's just told me that they thought I had fibermyalgia I decided to go to a new GYN because I knew that the problem was coming from there. I just knew it. Well finally a dr that listened and did a ultrasound and a biopsy....I have a chronic infection of the lining of my uterus that has gone on for a long time. I won't go into all of the details but I will be going in for a hysterectomy on Wed. I am relieved to know that I am not crazy and that there is a reason I have been feeling this way. Relieved to know that I will be well again but I am having mixed emotions about this. I am only 34 and still had the dream of perhaps remarrying eventually and having another baby one day. I know my clock was already ticking anyway.

I am concerned about how my kiddos will fair with me down for awhile.....this will be much different without a husband to help out and take care of me. Davyd will keep them some but I can't even drive for two weeks. I have to miss lots of work as well.

I had a wonderful blessing on Friday night and I feel much better about this. I feel at peace that this is what is supposed to happen. I am so grateful for the peace and comfort that I feel.