Going a little battty :)

It has been a little while since I have posted and lots has been going on. Davyd was out of town for awhile on military. With him being gone and then Amy Jo moving back to Texas the parenting schedule has been seriously disrupted. I find myself feeling a little batty and exhausted. No surprise that I ended up getting sick. It is a three day weekend and I am sick. Oh well at least I have an extra day to recover before going back to work.

Dating has been hard lately with me having the kids almost all of the time. I am so glad that John is such an understanding guy. A week an a half ago, on a Wed, I invited John to dinner at my house. I had the kids that night because Davyd was gone. I was a little concerned about how my kiddos would react to meeting John. They really like him. They tested me a little bit. Katelyn was the one that did most of the testing that night. John brought over stuff for banana splits. He is so awesome. All in all everything went very well.

Saturday of last week John had me and the kiddos over for a BBQ at his house. This was the first time that all six of our kids met each other. Also the first time that I met his younger two kids. I had previously met his oldest, Spencer. I really like his kids. They are so cute and sweet. His kids behaved like angels. My kids did some testing. This time it was my usually sweet behaved child, Megan, that did most of the testing. I think things went very well. My kids love his kids. They keep asking when they can see them again. Things were not crazy like I thought they would be with an 11 yr old, 9 yr old, 7 yr old, two almost 6 yr olds, and a 3 year old. Megan has really taken to John. She kissed him good bye even. She keeps asking to see him again. I wish I got to see him more lately as well. LOL. I did get a whole 3 hrs alone with him on Wed before I had to go get my kiddos. Oh well it is hard schedule wise. He is in California this weekend visiting with his childhood buddies. I am glad that he got to go. I sure miss him though.

This week at work was hectic. I spent half of the week cross training our Canada Service Rep Doc. I don't mind training but it does get rather crowded in a cubicle with two people and work flow gets backed up. Well I made the best of it as usual and laughed almost all the way through.

My kiddos are having some issues and are acting out since Amy's departure. I am trying to be loving and understanding and remain firm at the same time. It has been rather exhausting to say the least. Katelyn has been very angry and hateful. She keeps hitting Logan and Megan and yelling at me. Megan has been very clinging and whinny. She wants to be held all the time and won't leave my side. Logan is just hyper again. He had really overcome that and was calming down now he is bouncing off the walls again. We will get through this though. It is sad for them. Although, not as hard as the divorce for them it has been hard for them to experience the loss of another broken home. So sad for my babies.

Anyway, there was a lot going on during the week that I won't go into as well but I was determined to make it the best week ever. I know it definitely made things easier to handle with my positive attitude. :)

This upcoming week will be good. No work Monday. I have training on the last half of Thursday at work and I took Friday off for Katie's birthday. Katie's party is Saturday. I am so excited. I can't wait. Melissa is making one of her awesome cakes :) Love my SASTER!!!!! Oh and Davyd said he won't be working so he will have the kiddos on his usual nights Wed and Thurs so I will get to have time with John on Wed.

Anyway, I am learning more and more that our attitude and how we chose to deal with things can make a huge difference in our lives. Yes, things will still be hard but our attitude really helps. :) Once again, I am so grateful for all of the lessons I have and continue to learn. I am also grateful to be able to feel love and trust for someone in my life again. I didn't think I would be able to trust a man ever again. Yet, I trust John more than I ever have trusted any man. I didn't trust any of the men that I have dated and I never fully trusted Davyd either. Not even when we first got married. It is so wonderful to experience feeling trust in someone.

This week is going to be great :) Love to all of you!

Grateful to my Savior

Hello all,

You are probably all going to think I have completely lost it after reading this but I wanted to share. Today was truly an amazing day. I am so grateful to my savior for helping me overcome my bitterness and the hurt that I carried for such a long time. I am truly grateful to have that burden lifted from me. I have become so much stronger being molded in the Master's hands. I am blessed to have had these experiences to help me grow.

Davyd's girlfriend is moving back to Texas. She will be leaving tomorrow. I don't know if she will stay there this time. I have an inkling she will. Today when I went to pick the kids up she was saying goodbye to each of them. She was having a hard time and trying not to break down. It has been hard on the kids as well. Anyway, I realized that I don't have hard feelings towards this woman anymore and actually have compassion for her. Here she is suffering for making bad choices like we all do. I could see her as a person and not as "the woman that helped ruin my marriage". I hugged her and felt compelled to tell her that I don't have hard feelings towards her for anything. She broke down right there. I know she needed to hear that. I am sure that the guilt has consumed her for quite awhile. I know probably more so after getting here and seeing me and what type of person I really am. I also know she has a much better understanding of what Davyd is really like after living with him for a year and half. I thought there was no way that I would ever be able to say that to her. Let alone hug her. I know that it was through the help of my Savior. I have been praying since the divorce to be able to overcome the bitterness and anger and sadness. It consumed me for a long time. I know my prayers have been answered.

I know it sounds crazy to most but I feel so very blessed to have had my prayers answered.

To much going on

Yes, I so should be sleeping right now but once again I am wide awake. I get up at 4:45 in the morning and it will come way to soon.

The kiddos started school again today. It was a relief. It will be nice to have them on a schedule again and to not have them be so bored. My camera didn't work so I don't have any pictures this year :( I wasn't able to take the day off because April is still out on vacation. My boss did however let me come in at 9:30 instead today. Little Miss Katie is in all day kindergarten this year. She did the early learners pre kindergarten last year. She is going to be tall like her Grandma Jeanette and her aunties on Davyd's side. She towers over all of the little girls in her class. I am so relieved that she won't be short like me. Logan is in 2nd grade. I am excited that his teacher is a BYU graduate. He needs that extra influence :) They seem to be excited about their new school. I really think it will be a better school for them. I am sure it will be easier on Amy to only have to make a trip to one school as well. Megan had such a hard time with them all going to school. She wanted to stay with me and it broke my heart to take her to DAvyd and Amy Jo with her screaming for me. She was clinging on to me crying. I cried all the way to work because I knew I had to go in but it hurt to leave her. That is the hardest part about being a single mommy.

This past weekend was a long one with to much to do. Ricky was so very kind to do a brake job and oil change on my car. I don't know what I would have done without his help. I had Jack and Alex all day yesterday. Shalyn spent the night Saturday night. I love being surrounded by kids but am always exhausted afterwards I find LOL :) I didn't like missing church though. I don't have a car that holds 5 kids plus me though. Our home teachers were kind enough to come over and give Logan and Katelyn blessings for going back to school. My ward blesses me in so many ways. I am immensly blessed.

Yesterday was also a hard day. My dad called yesterday morning to let me know that my Grandpa Ralph had passed away. He is married to my Grandma Dee and so he is my Step Grandpa. Over the years though he has done nothing but treat us as real grand children. I will miss him very much. Such a sweet righteous loving man. I will miss his hugs and him telling me how proud he is of me and how much he loves seeing me. He was in a lot of pain though so I am glad that he is not suffering anymore. The funeral is in Arkansas and it is for Wed so there is not a way that me or my siblings here in AZ can make it.

My Papa is home. His diagnosis is congestive heart failure. That will never go away but it is manageable thank goodness. His blood sugar is not very well either. Today my mom was having problems with her blood pressure being really high and not feeling well so she was at the urgent care. They weren't able to find anythign that would cause any of it. She also has fibermyalgia. My real dad had a pacemaker and difublater put in last year. My parents are falling apart on me :(. I makes me so sad. They have all been such hard working people. None of them are the type of people that like to go to doctors either or be sick. They don't deserve to be suffering this much. It just hurts to watch them. They have all done so much for me. It has really made me think a lot lately.

Well I could go on and on there is so much more going on but I should really get to bed. I know that my family and I are so blessed. I thank the Lord daily for all that he blesses us with. I am so grateful to be a mother and even though I know my circumstances might not be the best I will be just fine with Heavenly Father's help.

Feeling blue......and anxious

I am feeling blue and anxious today. This has been a very busy and hectic week. Wednesday evening Melissa called to let me know that our Papa was not doing well and was told to go to the ER by his heart doctor. This freaked me out to no end. For those of you that know he has had two major heart attacks in th past. He had a triple bypass exactly 8 yrs ago.

While there, he decided that he didn't want to wait at the hospital anymore and signed a waiver and went home. They warned him that he would be lucky if he came back on a ventilator. He is so stubborn though. Melissa called to tell me this while I was out on my date with John. Papa would not listen to anyone. I was trying so hard to not wig out in front of John. None the less John is a smart sweet guy and could tell I was not ok. He asked if I wanted to go see my Papa and talk to him. I was reluctant because for those that know me I will at times avoid facing things like that. I go numb. I was numb but John was very sweet and drove me over to see my Papa. I am so grateful that I was with John at that time so that he could help me feel strong enough to go see my Papa. He really is a sweetheart.

When I got there Papa was laying on the bed and did not look well at all. I got in the bed next to him and hugged him. I told him how much I love him. I told him how much I appreciate him being such a good dad to me even though he didn't have to be. I thanked him for everything. I told him how much he means to me all the grandkids and begged him to go back to the hospital. He said that we all go through this and that sometimes it is our time to go. I have to say it freaked me out. I told him that I was not ready to lose my Papa that I needed him more than ever right now and so do the grandkids. He told me how much he loved me and some special things. It meant a lot to hear him say those things to me. He told me how much he loved my kids. He told me how special little Megan is and to protect her. He promised to go back to the hospital in the morning. I went in and talked to my mom for awhile and hugged her and told her how much I love her too. It was a special time. I don't get to tell them stuff like that in person very much and hug them.

Papa did go back to the hospital in the morning on Thursday. They are draining lots of water off of his chest right now and making him comfortable. They are running tests and we will know soon what the diagnosis and treatments are. I am praying that surgery is not involved.

Work was crazy today. April is out on vacation and that leaves Ilda and I to pick up the slack. It didn't help that we were both deliriously tired yesterday and today. We laughed a lot though. It was fun but hectic. Wednesday I went to the dentist during my lunch break. I never thought my life would be so hectic that I would be getting my teeth cleaned during my lunch break. There is always something. I am so glad it is Friday finally. However, this weekend will be crazy. Tomorrow is meet the teacher day in the morning. I have Amy's kids this weekend while her and Davyd are at drill. So they will be here at 5 am. I am already exhausted. LOL. My house will be trashed but I can do it :) I am just feeling a little overwhelmed lately. I had Shalyn last weekend and Monday on my Canadian holiday.

On a happier note, Melissa and I were able to go visit with Kimmy and Matt on Tuesday night. We both got to hold baby Jacob. It was so neat. Kim is such a good mommy already. Will watched all of the kids while we went he is awesome. I was so excited to be able to see my Kimmy. I hope that I didn't poison them with the dinner I made LOL. Melissa and I did eat with them and we were both ok so that is a good sign. LOL :)

I do have to admit though that Wednesday nights are awesome when the kiddos are at Davyd's. I miss them terribly but I need the break. John spoils me to death. He is so awesome. I am really enjoying dating him. It is so nice to find a guy that isn't a jerk for once.

I do have to admit that some situations that are going on lately have been flashbacks for me and have put me in a bit of a melancholy mood. I know that I have so much to be happy for though. I am trying to not let my past effect my thoughts about things that are currently going on in my life. It is hard though. Sometimes I am my own worst enemy when it comes to that. There are a lot of things going on that I won't go into right now. Still I find things to be happy about and to smile about. I am learning how strong I really can be. I am grateful for everything I have learned over this last year and a half especially.

Please say some prayers for my Papa. Love to everyone!