So I made it!

It has been forever since I have blogged. It has been a crazy crazy time of life. My ex husband is finally home from his deployment. The adventures while he was gone are insurmountable. He left at the beggining of January and got back at the end of October. Being a completely single full time working mom was craziness. Especially with the increase of struggles with Logan. My poor little guy really did not handle his dad being gone very well at all. It only amplified all of his issues.

I was persistant though to finally find out what was ailing my little boy. As most of you know he has always been a very volitale, high strung, angry and impulsive child. From the time he was a baby and wouldn't sleep more than two hrs at a time and screaming bloody murder every night when evening came around. He began head butting me and bashing his head into the tile floor as early as 8 months old. I tried counseling and testing to determine what was going on with him, diet alterations, reading I don't even know how many parenting books and trying differnt parenting methods, praying, having him get blessings, switching psychologists, the school had him tested, a psychiatrist that perscribed him meds that only seemed to make it worse initially, and then on to anger classes for him and for parents with angry kids, and then finally a switch to the head psychiatrist at Phoenix Children's hospital. I wanted to make sure that he was going to be seen by someone that knew what the heck they were talking about finally. I was getting calls and or notes from the school daily for his behaviors. Calls from daycare/or my mom and then dealing with 4 hour temper tantrums typically around 5 days/week that got very violent and scary towards himself and me. Not to mention several other things I won't go into on here but special prevention teams called by the school on Logan's behalf. It was affecting the girls especially..all of my time was spent taking care of Logan with little help or reprive from others. It affected my job as I had to leave for appts weekly sometimes more than once a week and had to leave often at the drop of a hat when daycare called because Logan was out of control again and needed to be picked up. Sometimes it was the school that called for me to pick him up.I watched my little boy hurt himself in violent rages that were uncontrollable and tell me how much he hated me and wanted me to die. At one point his psychiatrist told that he needed to be hosptilized. That was when I took him to Phoenix Children's. It was destroying me inside to see my kids hurting (the girls were affected greatly by this) like this and I was dealing with it for the most part all on my own.

Logan has a diagnosis that was not the easiest to take but he is responding well to his treatments and I am so happy to see him smiling and laughing and enjoying life without the angry rage. Our home has peace in it again...now his dad is the one causing the drama. He will not accept Logan's diagnosis and does not agree with it and is opposing Logan's treatment along with a myriad of other things.....so yes him being home is a catch 22!

On a happy note..now that he is home Katie can finally get baptized. She wanted to wait for her dad to be home so that he could be at her baptism. She is getting baptized next weekend and I couldnt' be more excited. However, with these wonderful occassions it does cause me to reflect on how my life could have been....makes me feel a little lonely and wish that things could have been different. I have her white dress and shoes :). She looks so pretty in her dress and I can't wait for next weekend. One of the missionaries serving in our area will be baptizing her. My kids all adore Elder Hadley so it is appropriate for him to be doing it :).

I am still in the same home. I can't believe that I have been here for 11 1/2 yrs now. Just got my home loan modified so it is a little more affordable. I am still working at Edward Jones. Can't believe I have been a single mom for almost 4 yrs now. I have grown so much and come such a long way. What an incredible journey and how amazing it is to look back and see the growth and the blessing along the way. John and I are still dating but choose to focus on our kids. We both have 3 kids each so they keep us pretty busy. We see each other when we can and talk every day. For now that is what is best for our kids and us...and hey it works for me and him :). It is nice to be with a man that puts his kids first and understands me putting my kids first too. To many of the guys I dated before didn't understand that. Nonetheless, I do find myself lonely a lot, but I am a mom first!!!! :)

I have aspirations to start school soon. It will be hard and challenging but I know it will be worth it.

Ok so hopefully it wont' be another year and a half before I blog again! LOL